What is done, is done
by Jess Gates
Summary: It has been a while since the last time Hijikata came to visit, and Kagura and Shinpachi keep on asking him, when is Hijikata going to visit, if things are fine between them, if he was feeling good, if he is still calling him. But he can't tell them the truth. Because even if he knew that something that started like that wasn't meant to last long, he still had hopes.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys, I'm trying to get back to writing once again, things have been weird lately._

 _I might continue this one, but I'm not sure yet._

 _Hope you enjoy it!_

* * *

That was a normal and simply day for him, with Shinpachi cleaning around the house, with Kagura eating something on the sofa, and with him dozing off on the other one, while his hand was reaching out to the black ashtray that was on top of the table, filling the room with the sound of the ashtray hitting the table every time he moved it.

Yes, that was a normal day for him, but that didn't mean it was a good one, he couldn't really remember when was the last time he had one of those. They even seemed like something far, far away.

"Gin-san," Shinpachi called and he only lifted his head a little, finding him with a pink apron on and with an annoyed expression on his face. "Can you please stop playing with Hijikata-san's stuff? He is going to get mad if you break it."

His eyes wandered back to the little ashtray when it became 'normal' for Hijikata to left his stuff behind? The ashtray, some lighters, even some bottles of mayo in his fridge… It all just became part of his house and he didn't even notice when.

"I'm not going to break it don't worry." He brushed it off before grabbing the little thing and bringing it closer to his eyes, every single mark, even the faint smell of cigarettes, he had made sure to remember every part of it, but it didn't make sense, going to that extend for something like that.

"And when it's Mayora coming back? It's been a while Gin-chan, you must be lonely without him!" Kagura giggled, she didn't mean something bad by asking that but the sudden question only made him feel worse.

He and Hijikata _were_ dating, or at least _dated,_ it all started for the spur of the moment and some alcohol on their bodies, something that started like that wasn't meant to last long, but he has to admit that it was nice while it lasted.

 _While it lasted, huh?_

They ended up their relationship some weeks ago, but he didn't tell Shinpachi nor Kagura, he didn't want them to get worried for him or even less for them to go and make a mess at the Shinsengumi to annoy Hijikata for something as _little_ as all that. But maybe—and just maybe—a part of him still hoped that they would go back to being together...

To go back to those funny days with him, when they were simply talking, enjoying their presence, sometimes with Shinpachi and Kagura, some others with them alone, those were definitely good days for him, even some of the best he had ever had, being with all the people he loved… _Love?_

"He is just busy with work." He lied before putting the ashtray back in _its_ place. "And I'm not lonely either Kagura, we talked a lot too, you know?" But that was also a lie, ever since they broke up he hasn't talked with Hijikata, even less saw him. But Hijikata didn't try to call him or even text him back.

He probably was just happy to be able to work without him being an annoyance.

 _Work…_ He tried to understand it at first, but he fell in love way too quickly and Hijikata wasn't ready to give attention to something else apart from his work.

After some time it only got painful for him, and even if he tried to carry all that over his shoulders and stayed quiet about it… It wasn't enough, it was never enough.

They ended up taking all their frustration on each other, breaking up was the only answer they could get, even if he would have given up everything just to fight for their relationship… But he couldn't force something like that on Hijikata when he only wanted to end things for once.

"But you don't look that good Gin-san…" Shinpachi said with worry in his voice. "Why… Why don't you call him over? Just tell him that is to eat lunch, I'm sure he would accept."

"I don't look that good because I haven't eaten anything sweet today." He chuckled, but it was such a fake and sad laugh that they look at him even more worried. "You both know how much of a workaholic he is, he is not going to leave his work just eat something. But I'll call him in the night, okay?" He wasn't going to, he _couldn't._

"I still don't get it Gin-chan…" Kagura whispered, her eyes looking at her feet. "Why you didn't tell the Gorilla? If he knew… Well, he wouldn't give Mayora that much work, right?"

"Don't say those things Kagura, there is no way we co-can tell that to the Gorilla."

Hijikata always opposed to telling the others about their relationship, not even Kagura and Shinpachi were supposed to know about it, but his house was the only place that they could be together—being outside together could lead the people to start making rumors about them—so even if they didn't want to, they had, to tell the truth to his kids. After all, they were already suspecting of them, Hijikata being there most of the days, even staying over during the night. It was only a matter of time before Kagura and Shinpachi would know.

And it would be a lie to tell that he didn't have hopes when he saw how at ease Hijikata was after telling the truth, but of course, telling Kondo was another matter to him.

But now it didn't make sense to think of those things, their relationship was a secret and their break up was going to be one until he could affront it.

"How many times do I have to tell you to not worry? We are going to work things out, I'm just waiting for him to finish his work." Kagura gave him a small smile, and Shinpachi took a deep breath. But his heart… He could feel how those lies were piercing through his heart, breaking it into little pieces.

 _The end..?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey guys, well I decided to continue this, so hope you enjoy it!_

* * *

His room was filled with the smoke of his cigarette, and the ashes were all over the place, dirtying all his papers and his jackets that was buried under the pile of papers. Normally he would have clean up all that, the mere sight of that disaster would have driving him mad, but this time he really couldn't bring himself to even move away from the papers he was doing.

The same papers he has been doing and re-doing for more than a week, he had been doing those same informs for so many times that he had already memorize every single one of the words he had to do, every single one of the strokes he had to do, he was even sure that he could do it perfectly with his eyes closed.

But if he did close his eyes… All the things he was trying to run away from would come back to him.

All his smiles, his annoying laugh, the things they did, the things they talked, how much he tried to hold his tears down when they broke up…

It would all come back to him, and he really _didn't_ want to. If he started thinking about that, all those weeks working non stop, not even sleeping much, all those weeks hiding in his room would be for nothing.

 _Stop thinking about it!_ He shook his head before laying down on the floor. "What is done is done." He tried to convince himself of that, while his eyes were wandering on the ceiling, seeing every little mark that was there.

The darkest piece of wood at the end of the room, one of the tables was broken in one of the sides, there was even one that he could swear had a little drawing on it. He had also had memorize all the things on the ceiling, during the nights looking for figures on the wood was the best thing to do.

But he couldn't stay like that all day either, he had to occupy his mind fast before it would drift away… "Zaki!" He called and on the distance he could hear the man running towards his room.

His hand went to the little box of cigarettes while he was waiting for the other one to come, holding the little thing and bringing it closer. _Smoking always helps._ It was weird, but smoking always calm him down.

"There is still no work to do Hijikata-san." Yamazaki said from the other side of the of the door. Of course he knew what he was going to ask, he has been asking for things to work on every day.

 _Empty…_ Not even one cigarette left, and just when he needed it so much… "You can open the door Zaki." He answered while going to back to sit on the floor, and it didn't took the man long before his head was poking into his room, all the smoke leaving almost immediately and a nice breeze was entering.

And he didn't like it, maybe he had been way too used to all that smoke being there, but it just make his room to feel less empty than usual, the smoke was simply feeling what was missing...

"Go and buy more cigarettes, okay? I need them fast." He took a deep breath as he was throwing the empty box to Yamazaki's hands.. "And there has to be something to do, I don't care what it is, just give me something."

"The-there really is nothing…" He bit down his lips, he probably wanted to say something else, but knowing him he was only going to tell him to go out and that was something he didn't want to hear.

"Are you even telling me that Sougo has done all his reports? Or Kondo-san?"

"Yes… We all have been worried…" His eyes were trying to avoid his. "So the Commander has been making sure that we are all doing our work really well so that you can go out…" _Kondo-san is?_ But he could really see him doing all that just for him, Kondo always got really worried for them, and the fact that he was avoiding him too wasn't making it better.

"Just bring me their reports, I'll check them." But Yamazaki didn't move, instead he only kept on looking at him with those worried eyes that remind him so much of _him._ Oh how much he hated all that. "Hurry up!" He screamed making the other one jump.

"B-but… The Commander to-told me to not bri-bring you more wo-work…" _Just what are you doing Kondo-san?!_

"But now I'm telling you to do it, are you going to ignore what I'm telling you Yamazaki?!"

Why did they have to get in the middle of his work? Couldn't they just see how much he needed to put his mind in something, how much he wanted to drown himself on work?!

"Enough Toushi." Came the serious voice of Kondo who was now standing next to Yamazaki. _When did he arrive!?_ "Leave us alone Zaki." And without even answering Yamazaki ran away. "You don't have to be like that Toshi. He was only following what I told him, you know?" He added as he was getting inside of his room, his eyes looking around, probably surprised of all the mess that his room has become.

"I know… I'll apologize to him later Kondo-san." He had so many questions, he was sure of that.

"I'm not asking you to apologize…" He was now touching the ashes on the table, moving them around. "Don't you have an ashtray?" He asked. _That isn't what you want to ask Kondo-san._

"I lost it." But he knew really well where he has left it… "I will tell Yamazaki to buy another one, and I'll clean later, so please don't mind all the disaster."

"Toshi…" He was worried, extremely worried, they way he was looking at him, he was sure of that. "Are you really okay? You haven't been leaving your room at all! And you used to go out everyday too Toushi." _Don't talk about it…_ It was obvious that after going so much to see _him_ , they would get worried if he stop all of the sudden, but there was no way he could talk about that. "It's almost as if you were hid—"

"I'm really fine Kondo-san." He didn't want to hear that word, he really didn't. If Kondo say it, if someone else did, it will become real and he wouldn't be to run away more, he would have to face it, face what he did, face _him._ "I just have some things in my head," he sighed. "But I will _forget_ about them soon, so don't worry."

"Well… If you say that Toushi… I guess it's okay." He walked to the door, those worried eyes still looking at him. "You probably want me to leave you alone, right?" He chuckled. "I'll see you at dinner then."

"Thanks Kondo-san." The man smiled before leaving his room. Leaving him alone, with an empty room and all his thoughts.

He really had to hurry and forget about it.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys! It's seems like Wednesday it's going to be the day to upload this, so see you all on Wednesday from now on._

 _Also about the name, I change it since I thought the new one will suit better, so I hope you don't mind!_

* * *

It was a peaceful afternoon, just like the ones that used to be his favorites a while ago. With his kids outside— probably giving trouble to someone else or breaking some stuff as usual— and even with Sadaharu outside too, the house was alone for him to do whatever he wanted to do, he could watch whatever he wanted without Kagura complaining and he could even eat as much as he wanted without Shinpachi telling him that he shouldn't eat that much.

It was nice to be that peaceful, but it was starting to get really lonely, after all, he had gotten way too used to having those two near him. But even more than that, days like that reminded him so much of Hijikata… Days as peaceful as that were the ones he would call Hijikata to come by, chat a little, drink a little and maybe if he wasn't lazy that day—but to be honest he was never lazy when it came to Hijikata—he would even go out to buy some food and cook a quite decent dinner for them.

The times in where he would come to his house were rare and since they couldn't just go out and have nice dates on fancy restaurants or bars—they never knew when they were going to met someone they knew—at least having a nice dinner when he finally had the time to visit him was the least thing he could do for him and it always make him really happy to see how much Hijikata enjoyed the food and how fast he ate it too, even if he never told him openly that he liked his food, he could tell from the big smile he always had while eating.

Those were definitely some better days.

And even with all that sneaking around, even if Hijikata seemed to be always tense when they met outside, they did had fun and they did have some really good moments together, even when they simply chat or when Hijikata decided to stay for the night, most of the time they wouldn't do anything, but just sleeping next to him, just the simple fact that he was able to hug him while sleeping was something he would never change, even less forget.

Those rare smiles of him, the warm of his body, how well his body seemed to fit in his arms, how soft his lips were, how hard he used to try to hold down his voice… He was really _never_ going to forget all those times, even if it would be better if he could just leave all that behind, his heart would finally stop hurting every time he thought of Hijikata.

But even if he wanted to, he wasn't one to let go of his precious memories with him that easily and even less when he missed him so much…

"I really should stop thinking about him…" He sighed, all that was only hurting him, he knew well that those days wouldn't come back, no matter how much he would give to be able to go back, to try and accept that he was never going to be Hijikata's number one priority, to try and change back what happened on that day. But even that was as impossible as winning the lottery. "If only there was something good to see…" He said to himself, maybe talking was going to help to keep his mind away from those thoughts? "Not even Ketsuno Ana is on, damn it all." He sighed once again before turning the TV off and throwing the remote to the table hitting his cellphone on the process.

To think that after all that time without having one he would end up buying a little and simple one, if someone told him some years ago that he was going to waste his money to get one because the guy he liked make him buy one… He would have laughed until tears came down. But years ago he wouldn't have known how much he would do for that guy.

"He got so pissed when I didn't want to buy it…" He chuckled before grabbing the little phone and opening it just to find the empty screen as always, it's not like he had any other number apart from Hijikata. _I probably don't need this anymore, huh?_ Hijikata didn't seem to have any intentions to call him at all—he hasn't even tried to send him a message for the last weeks—and he… He wouldn't take it well if Hijikata rejected his call or ignored his messages, that would only make him feel worse. _Guess I'll throw it away later._ Or maybe he could give it to Kagura? He did waste his money buying after all.

"Gin-chan!" He heard a scream coming from outside, and before he could even process what was going on, his door was open in a hurry, and now he could see Kagura on his door with sweat on her face. "I got great news!" She stormed into the room and in just a second she was jumping over his stomach.

"Fu-fuck!"

"I got great news Gin-chan! Really great ones!" She said happily while jumping over him, a really big smile on her face. But he could only focus on not getting crushed by the happy Yato jumping over him. "Aren't you going to ask what the news are about Gin-chan?" She finally stopped jumping to see him with curious eyes.

"Mo-move…" He whispered and she finally moved away, letting him catch his breath again.

"Sorry about that, but I'm sure the news are going to make you super happy!" She sat on the end of the sofa, waiting for him to finally be able to talk.

"What it is?" _She probably just won some Sukonbu or something like that._

"I got us a job! Isn't that awesome?" She said proudly.

"A job?! What are you talking about Kagura?"

"And you haven't even heard the best part yet Gin-chan!" She giggled. "Remember how you were all depressed because you couldn't see Mayora?" _I wasn't depressed because of that._ But she didn't give him time to answer. "So I went and asked the Sadist if he had a job, and he did! So now we have to go to the tax robbers place in the night, aren't you happy?!"

But more than him being happy he could feel how his heart was stopping. "Wait… A job with them?! What did you even tell Souchiro-kun?!" He asked panicking, there was no way he could go to the Shinsengumi! There was really no way! If he meets Hijikata now… No! No! He couldn't!

"I only told him that you were feeling down and that if he knew what I could do to help you. He told me that seeing Mayora would help and said that he was going to give us a job!" She explained happily.

"He knows about me and Hijikata?!" He screamed grabbing her arms, his eyes wide open. Sougo was the least person that should know about all that, the things that boy would do with that secret, Hijikata would never forgive him if Sougo decided to start a rumor!

"I'm not sure, knowing how he is he could just be teasing. But I didn't tell him anything Gin-chan!" She wasn't lying he could tell that easily. "But it's great, right? That Sadist finally did something well!" He let her arms free only to feel guilty by how big her smile was. How was he supposed to reject that idea when she only had good intentions? She was only worried for him, but going to the Shinsengumi was another matter…

"Kagura… I…" He couldn't, he really couldn't. Disappoint her like that when she was trying so hard to help him. "Did he even told you what the job was about?" He sighed, the Shinsengumi was a big place so if he was careful about it, he could avoid Hijikata really well, knowing him he was probably locked in his room, so as long as he was far away from it, he wasn't going to have much trouble, right? He only had to do the job faster, make sure if Sougo knew the truth and go away from that place as fast as he could. It was simple.

"I'm not that sure…" She answered thoughtfully. "I think he said something about cleaning some rooms."

"Cleaning, huh?" That was something he could do fast, as long as Kagura didn't start a fight with Sougo of course. "Fine then." He finally answered and she only smiled even more. "Why don't you go and get ready? We're going to go and read to Granny's place before going there."

"Okay!" She answered happily before running to the closet and getting inside of it in just a second.

He only had to follow that plan, there was really not going to be any to worry about if he did. He was sure of that.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey guys I'm really sorry that I couldn't make it on Wednesday, but here is the new chapter!_  
 _Hope you all enjoy it!_

 _Hellooo: Thank you so much for leaving a comment! It means a lot to me! Hope you enjoy this one :D_

* * *

After a quick meal, especially since Otose refused to give them much food saying that she wasn't going to feed them more until he finally paid his rent—he had to remind himself to stop going there for some days, soon she was going to forget about that whole rent thing, and it's not like she was going to let them die of hunger either, that wasn't the first time she told them that after all.

They finally arrived at the Shinsengumi—not before he made sure that it was clear, and that there wasn't any mayonnaise lover near—finding Sougo sitting at the entrance while playing with some cats, probably waiting for them, that or he was simply skipping his work, but it didn't really matter for him.

If Sougo was there it meant that he wouldn't have to roam around the headquarters looking for Sougo while to avoid Hijikata at the same time.

"So the tax robbers have so much free time that they can sit around and play with cats, huh? Glad to see that you're using my money so well." He called while Kagura was giggling at her side. Why he wasn't sure.

"You don't even pay taxes, Danna." He turned back to see him and chuckled. "Didn't expect you to come so soon." He slouched before his eyes meet Kagura's. "So you came too, China? Don't tell me you were missing so badly?" He smirked.

"You wish you, Sadist! As if I would miss someone as lame as you!" But before she could go away to fight him, he grabbed her shoulder, holding her in place. He knew well that if those two started fighting he would never be able to get out of there. "Gin-chan?"

"Stop it you two. We came to work, remember? You can fight later if you want." She nodded disappointedly. "Now Souchiro-kun," he could hear how Sougo was correcting him as usual on the background, "you better pay us well."

"And give us some food too!" Kagura added and he nodded. _Some food wouldn't be bad either._ If Kagura ate there that would only mean less food that he had to get for her and more money he could use for pachinko.

"Fine, fine." He sighed as he was touching his neck. "And I'm do going to pay you, Danna, you guys are probably cheaper after all than bringing someone else to clean." After giving some food to the cats h went inside, quickly followed by the two of them.

The Shinsengumi… It sure felt like forever since the last he went there… Well, he never went there much to begin with, but he always enjoyed going there to annoy Hijikata, it was always fun to see how he freaked out every time he got into his room, it wasn't fun to get yelled afterwards, but he only did it when Hijikata was too busy with work that they wouldn't meet unless he went there.

 _It was always me the one wanting to see him, huh?_

He couldn't remember Hijikata being the one calling to him, or even asking to meet…

 _Don't think of that…_ "Who are you calling cheap?!" He asked trying to leave that sad mood behind, he had already decided to at least stop being that affected for something had already ended.

"But you guys are cheap, you would do anything for money." Sougo chuckled and he had to really control himself to not kick him right there and to not let Kagura do the same.

"Calling us only to insult us, you damn bastard… What do you even want us to do?"

"You only have to some of the rooms." He answered as he was taking them to Kondo's room if he was remembering well. _Hijikata's room is on the other side._ He gave a quick look to down the hallway only to find some of the men walking around, but no one that he cared about. _It_ _should be fine for now._ "It won't take you that long, right Danna?" He was looking at him curiously, almost as if he knew that he was trying to run away from Hijikata.

 _Weird…_ "I hope so, I don't want to clean your shit for too long." The faster the better.

"What? I don't want to clean your room Sadist! It's probably really disgusting inside!"

"As if I would like to have you poking around my room China." He deadpanned as he was opening the door of the room. "You can start with Kondo-san's one. If you find something weird just throw it away."

"Oi and what about my food?! I can't work with my stomach empty!" Kagura complained. _It's not like you have your stomach empty either Kagura._

"Are you going to stop bothering me once I gave you food, China?" He sighed and she nodded happily. "I'll come back once you're done here Danna, don't you dare go away." He added before slouching away, with Kagura going behind him.

 _Well, at least with them away I can clean faster._ He gave a last look around before getting inside the room.

* * *

He sighed after seeing the pile of papers in front of him, what was he supposed to do now? He had already done the reports for that week, and probably for the next month too, and with all the written apologies he had written they probably had enough for a lifetime, he had even re-written the Shinsengumi code twice.

 _I really don't have anything to do?_ After his chat with Kondo, Yamazaki has refused to bring him more work, hell he was even refusing to come near his room, not even the rest of his men were listening to him.

"This is truly the worst…" He sighed again as he was reaching to grab his cigarettes. "This is all that damn Perm fault…" With his eyes closed, he put the cigarette in his mouth and light it on.

If only he knew that he wasn't going to meet Gintoki once he went out… If only his peace of mind could come back. Life would be so much easier for him.

"Danna's fault?" He heard a voice from behind and got so surprised that his cigarette almost fell from his mouth. "You're saying some interesting things there Hijikata-san." His door was wide open and Sougo was smirking at him.

 _When did he..?!_ He didn't even hear the door sliding! "Wh-what are you doing here Sougo?!" He screamed before Sougo could ask something else.

"I was leaving a monster in the kitchen and came to tell you something." _A monster?!_ "But I just heard something more interesting." He smirked even more as he was slouching on the door frame. "So Hijikata-san… Mind telling me what did Danna do?"

A chill went through his body. "No-nothing!" He answered fast, way too fast and Sougo was smirking even more. "A-anyway, what did you even came to tell me?"

"Nothing? Yeah sure." He chuckled as he was going outside the room. "Oh," he stopped, "I brought some guys to clean your room, so you better hide your porn mags unless you want to Danna to see them."

And with that, he was gone.

"WHAT?!"


	5. Chapter 5

_Friday is the Wednesday~~~_

 _One day I'll have the time to upload this on Wednesday again, but for now, here you guys go!_

 _Hellooo: Thank you so much for your rewiew! Hope you like this one as well! :D_

 _Maoruwa: These chapters are super short, but thanks to that it's that I can write once per week hahaha. But here you have the new one, hope you like it too!_

* * *

There was no way, right? There was truly no way that Gintoki would be there, why would he after all? It was probably just Sougo playing with his mind, it wouldn't be weird, Sougo always played those tricks with him, this time _had_ to be the same! Gintoki didn't have any reason to go there, and he wasn't there to see him either, after how they ended up things there was no way he was coming back to ask him to get back. It would be crazy!

 _Calm down, Toushiro, calm down._

He took a deep breath, even if Gintoki was really there—which he highly doubted—there had to be a good explanation of why he was there because it was obvious that it wasn't because of him… Right? _No!_ He shook his head, it wasn't because of him, there was no way it was because of him…

"He probably just came to drink with Kondo-san! Right! Nothing else!" He explained to himself before sitting back in front of his desk. "It wouldn't be the first time he comes to drink with Kondo-san, it's not weird." He tried to convince himself of that, but his nerves were way to crazy as to calm that easily.

 _Just focus on your work…_ He grabbed his brush and dip it in the ink. _Just focus._ He shook his head again in an attempt to get all those thoughts away from him, but no matter how hard he tried, _he_ only kept on coming back to his thoughts. _Dammit!_ How was he supposed to work like that?!

"Zaki!" He screamed hoping that his time Yamazaki would listen to his call. _This is just Sougo toying with me…_ And Yamazaki was going to tell him that there was truly no Gintoki in the headquarters and he was just going to go back to his work.

But… Did he really want that?

It would be a lie to tell that a part of him didn't want that to be real, but he couldn't listen to that, he had already ignored the part of him that wanted to run back to him, to say that he was sorry, he couldn't go back to how they were now.

That was his own choice and he wasn't going to retract it.

He was the one to chose the Shinsengumi before Gintoki, his job before a relationship, his men before a life with someone else. No matter what he wasn't going to change that, not even if he was suffering because of that same choice.

The things that happened between them were better off forgotten, he knew that well, the feelings he had were something that he had to forget as well. It was better that way.

But it was still too soon for him to ignore something like him being there!

"Yamazaki!" He called again, but he couldn't hear the footsteps of Yamazaki running to his room, he couldn't hear anything to be honest, almost as if all the people was avoiding his room… "Kondo-san…" He touched the bridge of his nose. Things really weren't working well for hm that day.

 _This is all Sougo's fault._

He put the brush back on his desk and got up as he was sighing, he knew that Sougo was probably playing with him, but if he gave a quick look around it wouldn't hurt him either, take a little break from all the work, walk around the headquarters, make sure that there was no silver perm around, have a little lunch, Kondo would be happy to see him out of his room. It wasn't a bad idea at all.

"It's just a little break, nothing else." He only had to make sure that Gintoki wasn't there.

* * *

It didn't take him long to clean Kondo's room, surprisingly enough the room was clean apart from some weird Otae's pics here and there, but he tried to ignore those as much as he could, in another moment he would have thrown them away, but that day he didn't have the time to do so.

 _I guess I'm done._ He gave the room another look before going outside.

But to his own bad luck, Sougo was nowhere to be seen and the last thing he needed was to be walking around just to look for him, he has been lucky enough to not find Hijikata during the time he was cleaning, and by all means, he didn't want to challenge luck like that.

 _And where did Kagura went to?!_ He looked around quickly if only Kagura could be near he could tell her to look for Sougo while he was hiding in Kondo's room, but even looking for her was, way too risky…

He knew where the kitchen was and getting there could be really from where he was, but could it be worth it? If Kagura wasn't there by the time he arrived at the kitchen, it would be his end, and it's not like Sougo had already paid him, so he couldn't leave either.

 _I'm seriously going to kill him once I see him._

* * *

He started walking to the kitchen as slowly as he could, not without making sure that he checked on every corner and in every hall before making his next move. It was going to take him way too long to get to the kitchen, but it was better to be careful than finding someone that he wasn't ready to meet yet.

"Mayora?" The innocent voice from behind almost gave him a heart attack and not only because it was a voice calling him all of the sudden, but because of who was calling him. There was only one girl that would call him like that, and the fact that she was there could only mean one thing.

 _He_ had to be there too.

"C-China g-girl…" He turned back to see the little girl that was already giving a big smile. "W-what are you doing here?" _Just tell me that he isn't here…_ His heart was beating faster than ever and the fact that she was smiling at him so easily only made him feel worse.

"Oh, Gin-chan and I came to work!" She answered happily, but he could only feel how his heart was stopping. He was there, so close to him… "But to be honest," she got a little closer and her voice was slower, "he has been all sad since you have been busy with work. So I made him come here so that you two can see each other!"

 _What?!_ Didn't she knew that they have already broken up?! _Could it be that he didn't tell her?!_ But why would he keep that as a secret?

"So you should take the chance to see Gin-chan!" She added happily, but there was a little concern in her voice. "He really misses you, you know? But he is always hiding that from me, saying that he is okay and that he would call you later. But I know he doesn't want to bother you while you work…"

 _That guy…_ Hiding that from his kid, even lying to them like that, it was so typical of him. _So he misses me?_

"So if you're not that busy, why don't you go and see him? You probably miss him too, right?" She giggled.

 _Miss him…_ It was silly to think about that after he was the one saying that they should break up, but he really missed him.

"I gue—"

"Kagura? Are you there?"


	6. Chapter 6

_Have you any of you ever felt when life just comes back to hit you in the stomach?_  
 _Well that's the reason of why I couldn't make it on time for Friday._

 _But at least I made it before the week ended!_

 _So here you guys go! Hope you all enjoy it!_

* * *

He heard his voice and soon enough his footsteps start echoing all over the hallway, getting closer and closer, and with that all the alarms on his mind went on, screaming him that he should get out of there before it was too late, that he should run away as fast as he could.

But if he did hear those screams, if he did got out of there before Gintoki could there… He had the feeling that that would be the last time they would be so close to meeting, maybe even the last time they would be so close to each other.

And that, that was really something that didn't bode well for him.

"Over here Gin-chan!" She called happily before giggling at him. "Such a good timing, don't you think?" She whispered.

The footsteps getting, even more, closer, his heart beating faster, he had to make his choice now or else it would be too late…

He chose to stay.

To stay and see what could happen, to stay even if his legs were trembling, to stay even if he wasn't ready to see him again.

"Seriously Kagura," he heard him at the end of the hallway and almost instinctively he turn back to see him. Gintoki's hand was rubbing the back of his neck, while his eyes were looking at the floor—something that he was grateful for, thanks to that Gintoki hadn't noticed his presence—and he seemed to be just as how he was the last time they saw each other, he was only a little thin, but it's not like he was looking that good either. "You have to stop roaming around, what if you me—" his eyes finally got up and noticed _he_ was there. "Hiji-Hijikata…" He was starting to get pale.

 _Never thought he would react like that…_ But to be honest, in a way that was good. He didn't seem to hate him or to hold him a grudge after all the things he said and did. He couldn't help but feel glad.

"I found him for you Gin-chan!" Kagura answered proudly as she was pushing him closely to Gintoki. "Now you can stop being sad, right?" She asked with the same concerned tone of her voice that made him felt so bad. _Worrying your kid this much…_

"Kagura… I…" He averted his eyes while a hand ran through his hair. "There is something I haven't told you Ka—"

But before Gintoki could finish his answer, he interrupted, he _had_ to. "I'll talk to him." He patted her head, feeling how Gintoki's eyes were staring at him. "I have to go and buy cigarettes, you will come, right?" His went back to looking at Gintoki, holding his stare for some seconds before the man averted his eyes.

A little nod was his response.

"You will?!" She gave him the brightest smile he has ever seen. "See Gin-chan! There wasn't anything to worry about!" She giggled before going to somewhere else, but not without giving him and Gintoki a last happy smile.

* * *

They came out of the Shinsengumi in complete silence, not even looking at each other as they were getting closer to cigarettes shop. Both of them lost in their thoughts, or at least it was like that for him.

He sighed before peeking at him through the corner of his eyes; he seemed to be so out of him, out of everything in general. _Just what did we use to talk about?_ The days in where they used to talk nonstop really seemed to be so far away and found himself really missing them.

The things he felt, the nights they spend together, the days talking about nothing and everything at the same time, before even knowing them all of those things became part of him, _he_ became a part of him, and even now he was craving all that back.

Just why did he end things for?

Locking himself in his room, drowning himself with work, all of that to escape from him, from that reality, from noticing that he was just doing something he didn't want to do…

"So…" Gintoki started, but his eyes still refused to see him.

"You didn't tell them about it?" But he was the one finishing the sentence.

"About that…" His hand went to rub the back of his neck again. "I guess I never found the time, you know?" He chuckled and he finally turned back to see him, a sad smile on his face. "But don't worry, I'll tell them once I get back… I'll make sure they don't bother you once they know." Hearing him say those things… Why did he feel so bad?

"Lea —" But he stopped himself, just what he was trying to say? _Leave it like that…_ What was he trying to achieve by saying that? He was the one breaking things, he was the one ruining everything…

And now he was the one thinking of repairing something that was broken, wasn't he?

Gintoki only looked at him confused for some seconds before taking a deep breath. "Anyway…" He averted his eyes once again. "I'm sorry that Kagura forced you like this to talk with me, I'll make sure to never bother you again." He didn't want that. "She is a good kid that wanted to help, you know? So don't blame her too much either. She wouldn't have done that if she knew that we're not a thing." Those words, he didn't want to hear them. "I know you're busy with work and all that, so well…"

Work… His precious Shinsengumi…

When did it become to be less important, less precious to him?

He always thought that there was never going to be something more important than his work, but with Gintoki… The things he thought would never change, start doing it, his most important thing became his second most important.

And it scared him.

Instead of focusing his all on his work, he starts looking forward to seeing him again, he starts to work faster just so that they could see each other faster… And that was something he couldn't allow himself as the vice-captain. Soon enough he started pushing Gintoki away, trying to stop all those changes to happen.

He chose his work because he was scared.

 _I… Just what did I do?!_

"What I'm trying to say… Well… Thanks for doing this…" His hand ran through his hair before giving him a little sad smile. "Guess… It was nice to see you." He bowed a little before turning back, walking slowly to the other side.

"I'm a stupid…" He whispered, but loud enough for Gintoki to hear him and to stop.

"Did you say something?"

But instead of answering, he only walked closer to where he was and grabbed his arm with all his might. "Stop saying those things!" He screamed and Gintoki only looked at him weirdly. "What I did… I shouldn't have done it!"

The things he felt, his crave for being with him… Those were things he wanted more than anything else, and this time he wasn't going to listen to his fears.

"Hijikata… What are you doing..?" He tried to pull his arm free. "Oi, oi, let me go. People are looking at us weird!" He tried to reason. "Really! Let me go! People are going to start talking dammit!" But he couldn't bring himself to care about the rumors, about the disgusted looks, about the curious ones, hell he didn't care about anything.

"Let them talk, I don't care." He answered with the serious tone he could do. _Since when all this was so easy?_ All the time he spent running away from him, from his feeling, when the thing he wanted was so simple.

"What?! Did you went mad?!" He screamed. "You were the one that wanted to hide all this, you know..? You can't come and say all this now dammit!"

"I know, I know, I know I'm being a damn mess!" But that's what he wanted more than anything else, he wanted to be with him, he wanted his funny day with him back. "But it's not too late, right?" He pulled him closer and Gintoki only laughed.

"You…" His free hand went to his to rub his forehead, a big and silly smile on his face. It was funny how much he missed to see that smile. "What are you even saying in the middle of the street Hijikata-kun? You know that I'm not going to let you go this easily once again?"

"I know." He could feel the eyes of the people over them, he could hear them whispering, but he really couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

"Man… You really got me worked up for nothing," he sighed but the smile was still on his face. "Guess I won't have to tell them anything, huh?"

"That would be nice." They stared at each other for some seconds before laughing wholehearted. "Oi," he called and Gintoki only looked at him curious of what he would say now. "Would you come with me to talk with Kondo-san?"

"Kondo..? What are you going to ta—" He stopped himself, his mouth wide open. "Are you…? Are you really going to _tell_ him?"

"Well yeah…" His free hand went to rub the back of his neck, he was starting to feel embarrassed. "It's about time, don't you think?" Sougo was probably going to teased him his whole life, but he was tired of hiding an important part of his life.

"Took you long enough Hijikata-kun," Gintoki added before laughing.

It was funny, but he could feel that they were going to be good from now on.

 _Fin._

* * *

 _These one was surely a wild ride for me, and when I started I never thought I would continue until this point, but I'm really glad that I did._

 _So thanks to all the people that leave a favorite, that leave a rewiew, or that simply read it, without any of you this would have been just a simply one-shot._

 _And to Maoruwa and Hellooo, thank you so much for your comments on the last chapter, they really meant the world to me, so I really hope I made and end that you two would enjoy!_

 _So I really hope you all enjoy it!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey guys! Initially I wasn't going to upload more of this, but well... This whole story is something that I never thought I was going to do, so why not do a little extra?_

 _Anyway, hope you guys enjoy it! And thank you so much for bearing with me until this point._

 _I also settled on doing this one because some of you wanted to see it, so AshGlitter, classic-phan, Hellooo and Maoruwa, hope you all enjoy this one! :D_

 _See you all on another story!_

* * *

 _Extra:_

 ** _A happy Gorilla and a Sadist bastard_**

* * *

If he could put a name to the mood that was going between them, to the weird silence as they stare at each other, it would be 'awkward', totally and completely awkward.

After what seemed to last forever—especially after all curious stares that the people outside were giving them—they finally managed to get back to the Shinsengumi and after roaming around for some minutes they found Kondo watching some TV in the meeting room.

Which lead them to the whole awkwardness they were on now, with Kondo sitting in front of them, with a confused look in his eyes, while at his Gintoki was looking at the floor, all lost in thought.

"So…" Kondo finally broke their silence. "What was it that you wanted to tell me Toushi?" His eyes looking at him and at Gintoki curiously. "Did something happened?"

"Kondo-san…" He could feel Gintoki's eyes burning a hole through his face as soon as he started talking, but he couldn't blame him either, after all, he was the one refusing to tell anyone about their relationship while Gintoki wanted to be more open about it… And yet, there they were. "Yoro… Gintoki," he had to call him by his name, "and I are… Well…" His hand went to rub the back of his neck. How was he supposed to tell that? "He is my partner."

Silence stood up in between them, Kondo looking at him confused, Gintoki staring at him. Was that the good way to say it? He wasn't sure anymore.

"Partner?" He nodded and Kondo laughed. "But that's something we all know Toushi, no need to be so serious about it! You two are always working together, so of course, we know you're partners."

If one thing was for certain was that he wanted to face palm himself in that moment.

But at his side, Gintoki was only breathing more at ease, his eyes going back to look at the floor. _He doesn't believe I can do it, huh?_ It really bothered him to see that he had so little faith in him, but in the end, he was the one making Gintoki like that.

"No, no." He shook his head before clearing his voice. "I mean it as my partner in love… I… We're _dating_ Kondo-san." He added and almost immediately Gintoki was back at glaring at him.

"O-oi Hiji-Hijikata-kun…" He heard him whispering, but he paid no attention to him, his eyes were busy with seeing how Kondo was reacting, what kind of expression he had, how a smile was appearing on his face… _A smile?!_

Even if he couldn't believe it at first, the man in front of him was smiling happily, even his eyes were shining a little bit.

"Oh, so you got together!" He repeated with a cheerful tone, before getting up from where he was and going in front of Gintoki. "Yorozuya-san, please take care of Toushi!" He bowed, with the big smile still on his face as he did.

And he could only open his eyes wide open, the same as Gintoki as his side. "Kondo-san?!" Just what was going on?!

"Yeah?" He lifted up his head and looked at him confused. "Isn't this what I'm supposed to say? Oh right! Congratulations you two!" He added, returning to his cheerful self.

"B-but… Are you ok-okay with this?!" Was it supposed to be that easy?!

"Of course I am! This is something you want, right Toushi? I can't oppose to something that you want." He laughed wholehearted, but he could only feel like an idiot.

All that time trying to hide their relationship, even going as far as to break up with him. And what for? What was he so scared of? If only he would have known that things would go that easy…

But then again, he knew well how Kondo was, so why did he never thought that the man was going to react like that?

"Kondo-san you…" He chuckled as his hand went to massage his forehead. Since when things were so easy? _I really should have expected._ But his smile disappeared when he heard how Gintoki was getting up. _And now?!_

He could only see how he took a deep breath before bowing to Kondo. "Please leave him in my care." And in less than a second Kondo was already patting his back with care.

"I'll be counting on you for that Yorozuya-san!"

"You two are such idiots…" He sighed, but he couldn't help but smile at the scene.

Maybe things will finally go well for them?

* * *

After some more talk and explanations with Kondo, they finally were free to go—not without promising him that they were going to go and drink later. But he had to admit that he was feeling good after talking with Kondo, and even Gintoki seemed to be more relaxed than how he was before.

"It wasn't that hard…" He whispered as they were walking down the hallway.

"You really surprised me back there," he sighed, but he had a smile on his face, "to think that you actually told that Gorilla of a boss you have there."

"Oi… Who are you calling a gorilla?" He only shook his head. "But you were right before… I really should have told him about us a long time ago."

"Telling Kondo-san about you two?" Another voice came from behind the corner, and in less than a second Sougo was already slouching in the wall with a smirk on his face. "So look at this… Hijikata-kun is taken, huh? Such a shame." He deadpanned.

"What do you want Sougo?" Why did Sougo have to bother him so much? And just when he thought that things were going to go well for them…

"Nothing really. I just heard a nice secret and decided to come and congratulate the both of you. Aren't I nice?" He added, but the chill that went through his body could only mean bad things.

"Yeah, yeah, really nice Sofa-kun," Gintoki answered as he was getting closer to Sougo was. "But it's really convenient to see you," he put his hand on his shoulder. "I believe that you owe me some money."

"Money? I can't remember any of that Danna." With weird calm, he grabbed Gintoki's hand and pull it away from his shoulder.

"You! You owe me money!" But Sougo didn't pay him attention, instead, he only moved away from the wall and went closer to where he was.

"So Hijikata-san. Now that you're with Danna, does that mean I get to be the vice-commander?" He asked as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Of course not. Where are you getting those ideas?!"

"What? But aren't you supposed to take care of Danna?"

"But that doesn't mean I'm quitting my job, dammit!" Sure, he was going to stop working so much, but he wasn't going to turn into a wife or something like that!

"That so?" Sougo sighed before turning back to see Gintoki. "Why did you choose someone like that in the first place, Danna?"

"That's not of your business," Gintoki answered as he was hitting softly the top of Sougo's head. "Now, if you're not going to pay, you should at least stop bothering us, okay?"

"So boring Danna, I was only trying to get some fun." He complained but he still moved away from them. "See you around Hijikata-san." He waved as he was walking down the hallway, to the direction in where they came from.

"Seems like he doesn't mind us being together, huh?" Gintoki pointed as they both were watching how Sougo was going.

"I didn't expect him to take it so calmly."

"Well… The little bastard refuse to give me money, so maybe that's his way of paying me?" Gintoki chuckled before grabbing his hand. "Then, shall we go?"

And he only nodded, be it that Sougo accepted or not, the fact that he didn't try anything funny, and the fact that Kondo truly accepted them was enough for him.

Now he was sure that things would start looking good for them.


End file.
